My First Ministry

It had been a long, tense day at work- the type of day that warrants an extra-large Dr. Pepper with the good, pellet ice. Back-to-back meetings took the place of lunchtime which meant that I was hangry… which dictated eating decisions once I finally found time to eat… which produced a sugar high and then a sugar crash. This was followed by picking up kids from practice, running through a drive-thru for dinner, dropping off kids at practice, picking back up and eventually arriving at home very late. My husband and I arrived home at staggered times and gave each other the “I'm so exhausted” look as we passed in the hallway, trying to get the kids in bed. Then our youngest said, “Momma, will you rub my back and pray to me?” Please don’t shame me for not correcting her grammar. Yes, she’s ten years old, but she’s our baby and I’m holding on tight to that sweet, innocent question.

I’d like to tell you that every time she makes this request, I respond with, “Of course!” But there are some nights that is not the case. Sometimes, the reply is, “Honey, Momma’s tired. Can I rub your back tomorrow?” Can any of you relate? At times, parenting, or work, or life itself wears us down to the point where it’s hard to see or think clearly. It’s a challenge to remember what’s most important.

On one of my recent runs, I was talking to God and going through my prayer list. He spoke back so pointedly and said, “Why is your family so far down on your list? Why are they not your top priority?” This floored me. Sometimes he humbles me with realities that I’ve been totally oblivious to. He reminded me that my family is my first ministry. They are a gift he’s given to me to love, nurture, shepherd, and support. When I really stopped to analyze my effort and time of joyfully investing in my family compared to the other areas of my life, I was astonished to realize how far I’ve wandered from my greatest blessings. Every other part of my life, at one time or another, gets so much more of my time, thoughts, energy, and prayer life: work, church, friends, projects. My family deserves so much more from me.

I knew after that run that I needed to dig in God’s word for guidance on how to be the wife and mother I’m called to be.

Husbands and Wives

On the days I am diligent in praying for Bryan, my whole perspective changes. God shows me how selfish I am in my insufficient willingness and desire to serve him. He whispers to me gently, “I made you to be his helper.” Genesis 2:18 reminds us, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” God then made Eve… to be Adam’s companion and helper. Do I play that role well? Is that my focus? Many days, it is not. My energy and time is centered on the task list. What needs to be accomplished for the day? Who’s driving which child to ball practice and how are they getting home? When are we going to fit in dinner? Do we have bread? The list just keeps going and suffocates what’s so very important. On the days I’m not asking God to equip me to be the best wife I can be for Bryan, I lose sight completely of my role- to be his helper, his support system, his companion.

Don’t worry, gentlemen! I haven’t forgotten about your role. Ephesians 5:25 offers a pretty tall order: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her...” If there had been a period after “love your wives,” the command would have been very vague and left open for interpretation. But Paul, the author of the book of Ephesians, was very clear. He added, “as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her…” No pressure, right? Paul is declaring that husbands should love their wives with a selfless, sacrificial, intentional, devout love that Christ models for us. I married a man who lives this so well. He is constantly sacrificing himself for me and our children. He does this humbly and with an undeniable love for us. I am truly blessed!

When was the last time we thought about these callings? God gifted us with our spouses. It should be an honor to love and serve them. I need these reminders to refocus my perspective on the blessing he’s given me and the role I get to play in my husband’s life.

Have to vs. Get to

In my quest to find guidance on fulfilling my calling as Mom, Momma, Mother, Mom, Mom, Mom… (Ha! Can you hear your children calling you?)... I found direction in Proverbs 31. The author of this book in The Bible paints a picture, in great detail, of a Godly wife and mother. He lists traits such as getting up while it’s still night, working vigorously, being clothed in strength and dignity, speaking with wisdom and faithful instruction, and watching over the affairs of her household. Whew! I need a nap just listing such admirable characteristics. And I didn’t even list them all!!!

After getting over the defeat I experience every time I read this chapter, God reminds me that its purpose is not to shame me or make me feel beat down. This chapter is an example of what to strive for. A big take away after this particular reading was that I look at many of my tasks in motherhood as “have to’s.” I have to take the kids to practice, I have to fix dinner, I have to plan a birthday party, I have to make a cookie cake that tastes just like Great American Cookie Company’s. 😳 They’re currently closed. (Thanks, Rona!!!)

There’s nothing in Proverbs Chapter 31 that mentions whining, feeling sorry for myself, chasing my own selfish ambitions, or dawdling in Wal-mart just to enjoy some extra peace and quiet without someone needing me. (Oops! Did I just publicly admit that?) Y’all, I am called out on this one. I often look at the tasks of parenthood as “have to’s” instead of “get to’s.” I get to make dinner and serve five incredible human beings. I get to spend time with my kids as I run them around town. I get to plan birthday parties and host my kids’ friends in our home. I get to do lots of laundry. (Woah… that one’s a stretch, God!) I believe God wants us all, as parents, to look at our task list as get to’s and for us to remember what a blessing those tasks really are.

My Blessings

Perspective of Gratitude

Christ has reminded me of a time years ago when I was told I may not be able to have children. (I never expected he’d turn me into a Fertile Myrtle! Four kiddos in five years!!!!) How dare I grumble, whine, or fuss about the very blessings I prayed for. Perspective! I am in constant need of a perspective of gratitude instead of flexing my ungrateful attitude. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Philippians 4:6-7:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Did you catch that? In every situation… with thanksgiving. Someone, please make this into wallpaper and I’ll buy it from you. I need this plastered all over my office, my house, my car… everywhere! This is a struggle for me, but when I do actually remember to stop and give thanks, it sure does change my emotional climate.

As I focus on my family being my first ministry and my calling to serve as a wife and mother, attempting the miracle of making a cake that tastes just like Great American Cookie Company’s takes on a different feel. It doesn’t seem like such a burden. Remembering that investing in Addalyn spiritually and emotionally gives me the extra energy I need to rub her back and pray with her. Focusing on being Bryan’s helper encourages me to have his laundry done and the house picked up. (I’m still working on this one, Lord!)

Prescriptions to Fight off the Have to’s

I realize that life is at a slower pace right now with me being on summer break and us still not completely being back to normal. It makes it much more manageable to focus on the get to’s. However, reality tells me that the chaos of “normal” is lurking just around the corner. There will be days when I”m tired, grumpy, crazy busy, sad, irritated… you get the picture. Days like that are perfect opportunities for Satan to sneak in and tell me all the things I have to do. He has such a sneaky way of distracting me and leading me away from focusing on my blessings. The list below are the “prescriptions” I am trying to use to fight off the have to’s:

1. Pray- Asking God to search my heart and reveal areas where I can replace my have to’s with get to’s.

2. Memorize Scripture- Finding and memorizing scripture that will help remind me of the joy and blessings God’s given me.

3. Pray Over Each Child-Asking God to mold their character, surround them with Christian friends and strengthen their faith and courage to impact their friends who aren’t Christians. This list for praying over each child could go on forever. I’ve started praying for one family member a day. It helps me to be more intentional with each one.

4. Count my blessings- I’ve heard it said that it’s hard to be stressed when you feel blessed. Counting blessings in the midst of challenging times is a game-changer.

5. Pray Some More- I need all the help I can get. Being in constant prayer over my perspective, preparing for challenges, and asking God, the all-knowing parent, for His help and guidance is key!

I believe these “prescriptions” apply to us in all stages of parenthood, whether we’re hoping to be a parent soon, or our kids are grown with children of their own, or we’re at some stage in between. God didn’t put an end date on praying over and caring for our children. They need prayers from before conception and every day after.

I am grateful for the reminder from the Lord of my first ministry and how he has so abundantly blessed me! I need His constant nudges, whispers, and help… especially with the laundry! 🙄

Let me wrap up with a prayer from The Power of a Praying Parent Prayer Cards by Stormie Omartian.

Becoming a Praying Parent

Lord, I submit myself to You. I realize that parenting a child in the way You would have me to is beyond my human abilities. I know I need You to help me. I want to partner with You and partake of Your gifts of wisdom, discernment, revelation, and guidance. I also need Your strength and patience, along with a generous portion of Your love flowing through me. Teach me how to love the way You love. Where I need to be healed, delivered, changed, matured, or made whole, I invite You to do that in me. Help me to walk in righteousness and integrity before You. Teach me Your ways, enable me to obey Your commandments, and do only what is pleasing in your sight.

I pray that God will teach you and me how to love our families in a way that He loves and that He will give us a fresh new vision and excitement to love, serve, and support one of our greatest blessings- our first ministry- our family.