My First Ministry- Part 2

My blog post for this week was over halfway finished… then I went on a God Run. As I was talking with God, He revealed to me that my details from last week were incomplete. There’s more to the story. If you didn’t read last week’s post, I’ll give you a quick summary. I was praying while on a run and when I began to pray for my family, God asked me why they were so far down on my prayer list. He reminded me that they are my first ministry. They were given to me as a blessing to love, serve, and support.

On my most recent pavement venture, God let me know that I left some things out. I wrote last week about a few of the crucial aspects of serving as a spouse and a parent, but I neglected to focus on one of the most critical roles I have as a parent chasing after God’s heart- shepherding the hearts of my children.

I immediately went home after this run and grabbed my Bible and a book called Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. Several years ago, when our children were much younger, our small group at church did a study on this book about biblical parenting. I remember being challenged by this book- experiencing many mind shifts, gaining a different perspective on parenting and effective discipline, and being inspired to be a better parent. Some points stuck with me, but unfortunately, like many great books, as time went on, some of the most important details had been forgotten. I had to dig the book out of a box of books in the basement. As I flipped through the pages and read over parts I had highlighted, I was freshly reminded about how critical it is for Bryan and me to truly shepherd the hearts of Bryson, Mallory, Gavin, and Addalyn instead of just going through the motions and parenting the way we’ve always parented.

A Piercing Connection

Before I get to the meat of this post, I want to share with you a personal experience that pierced my heart. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and found out about an indiscretion of one of our children. As soon as I discovered this sin, I felt numb. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. All I could do was say the name of Jesus over and over. It’s all I had. As time went on that evening, reality set in even more and I couldn’t stop crying. I was surprised by my response. (Not the crying part- that’s totally normal for me.) I was astonished that I wasn’t furious. This was a pretty big deal. But there was no anger or desire to yell and say ugly things. I was just wound… to my core.

I wasn’t hurt because this child had done something to me, but because of the effects the sin had and would continue to have on this child’s heart. I can’t remember the last time I felt deep pain like this. My heart broke for my child. And then it hit me. This is what I do to God, my Heavenly Father. This is how He feels when I sin, except the pain is multiplied because He loves me so much more than I love my children. (That’s hard to fathom, isn’t it?) But we can't even begin to imagine the pain He experienced as He sent His only son to die on the cross for our sins. This emotional connection wrecked me.

World’s Greatest Dad

The connection of how God feels when I sin was so real. I then thought about the fact that I have no idea what to do when faced with a challenge like this besides hitting my knees. The specifics of this sin and how to respond in a Godly way aren’t spelled out in a step-by-step, individualized way in the Bible (that I have found). But here’s what I know. In the 33rd chapter of Jeremiah, the Lord is talking to Jeremiah who is striving to be obedient and seek God’s will. In vs. 3, The Lord says to him,

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Unsearchable? Like something that can’t be Googled or looked up in the Bible? I hold tight to these words. In this battle of sorrow and darkness, God reminded me to cry out to Him and to lean on Him for these unsearchable truths. As I called to Him, I was overwhelmed with something else. He is the all-knowing, unconditional-loving, perfect FATHER. If you Google “greatest example of Godly parenting in The Bible,” do you know what pops up? God. He’s the best example, model, mentor, coach, cheerleader (that’s a weird visual), and teacher there is on how to parent in a Godly way. The Father’s Day merch has it all wrong. Please don’t take offense to this, Dads, but the World’s Greatest Dad is not you. It’s our Heavenly Father. He can not fail! And He’s never lost a battle. Reminds me of a song!

Shepherding vs. Traditional Parenting

All this brings me back to Shepherding a Child’s Heart. This book is built on the foundation of biblical methods of parenting. In the Introduction, Dr. Tripp references the Bible as being “the only safe guide.” He goes on to say,

“It presents an accurate and comprehensive picture of children, parents, family life, values, training, nurture, and discipline- all you need to be equipped for the task of parenting.”

In my post last week, my focus was on serving our family with love, support, and a grateful heart. All of this is important, but what really deserves a higher word count is how we invest in the heart of our children to point them towards God and His ways.

A definition from dictionary.com defines the verb “shepherd” as “guide or direct in a particular direction.” When I interact with my children, do I always guide them in God’s direction? Or do I just take care of business, respond in a split second, assign an off-the-cuff punishment, and move on? I’m sorry to say that on the scoreboard, traditional parenting is screaming victory over shepherding.

Tripp writes, “This shepherding process helps a child to understand himself and the world in which he lives. The parent shepherds the child to assess himself and his responses. He shepherds the child to understand not just the “what” of the child’s actions, but also the “why’.” Bryan and I were impacted by this book study and we do attempt to get to the why… at times… when it’s convenient… and we have the energy and patience to see it through. (We are a work in progress, Lord!) I could certainly use a lot more instruction, practice, and improvement in this area. And I don’t have much time. Our oldest has three more years at home with us before college. (insert weeping) While I’m inclined to dwell on how I have failed, I know God wants me to spend my thoughts and efforts on what I have control over now. Today is not too late to dive into God’s parenting guide, the Bible, and to ask Him for help as I strive to point our children in His direction.

On the first night of this book study with our small group, I remember that our leader asked, “What do you expect from your children?” We went around the room and gave a few bullet points of what we expected. Once we finished, we had pretty much described Jesus himself. Our leader responded with, “So you expect your kids to be perfect?” Silence. Wow! Yep, that’s what we described- perfect children. This realization has not left me. The point was our children will mess up. This is an inevitable part of childhood. So when they mess up, we’re faced with options:

1. We can ignore the behavior.

2. We can punish the child for the behavior (without instruction).

3. We can shepherd that child’s heart, getting past the behavior, and searching deeper for why the behavior is happening.

Dr. Tripp says that our children need to understand why they sin. Not only that, but they also need to recognize internal transformation through Jesus. An anchor scripture Tripp uses is found in Luke 6:45:

“ The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

Heart Check

This compels me to check my own heart and strive to make it a heart like God’s to be able to help my children search their own hearts.

I have some work to do. I plan to pop this book back open and go through it chapter-by-chapter. There are so many treasures in this biblical guide, woven with foundational principals in Godly parenting. Shepherding a Child’s Heart is broken into two parts. Part 1 is Foundations for Biblical Childrearing. Part 2 is Shepherding Through the Stages of Childhood. I am not being paid by Dr. Tripp to push his book, but I believe in it and want to share its insights with you. You can find it on Amazon with this link. If any of you are interested in going through this book together (virtually), please leave a comment or send me an email. Our kids are worth it and we are called! Proverbs 22:6 instructs us:

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Once again, this week, I’d like to leave with a prayer from Stormie Omartian’s The Power of a Praying Parent Prayer Cards.

Becoming a Praying Parent

Lord, may the beauty of Your Spirit be so evident that I will be a godly role model for my child. Give me the communication, teaching, and nurturing skills that I must have. Grow me into being the kind of parent You want me to be and teach me how to pray and truly intercede for his (her) life. You said in Your word, “Whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive (Matthew 21:22). In Jesus’ name, I ask that you will increase my faith to believe for all the things You have put of my heart to pray concerning this child.

I am nothing without Him and am in desperate need of His help and guidance! I pray that He will overwhelm you and me with a desire to seek His will, with a hunger for more wisdom and unsearchable truths, and with a heart that yearns to guide our children in His direction.

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… I finished this post yesterday afternoon and was ready to send it out today. Then, in my Bible study this morning, I came across a verse from Isaiah 9:6 where the roles of Jesus were being prophesied hundreds of years before His birth. It says, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” I’ve heard this verse numerous times in my life, but I read it with fresh eyes this morning. Wonderful Counselor- any of you need guidance from the one who knows all? Mighty God- anyone need Him to fight your battles for you with confidence in His victory? Everlasting Father- is there anyone who could use a reminder that He will never leave you or forsake you? Prince of Peace- anyone overwhelmed with stress and anxiety in need of One who provides peace beyond understanding? I need Him to play all of these roles in my life. He is and will continue to be exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. I couldn't contain this and had to share it with you! What a fountain of blessings we have in Him!!!