You're Not Gonna Like This One

It’s so entertaining to watch our children navigate their teenage years. At times, it can be frustrating as we try to translate the words that are coming out of their mouths. Can they even be called words? Maybe they’re just sounds, not even worthy of being called a word. I’m specifically talking about the latest slang, like Bruh, bussin’, drip, and (my all-time favorite) sus (insert eye roll and green face emoji). I’m constantly asking my kids what these words mean and where they came from. Bussin’? What in the world? These kids should’ve come with a slang dictionary so we could understand their mutterings!

Did we do this to our parents? Surely it wasn’t this bad! The ’90s hold my teenage years, so I looked up slang terms from that era to find out how cruel I was to my parents with these utterances. Our slang sounded like, “As if!” “Not!” “Fly” and “Oh snap!” At least we used real words. LOL

Either way you look at it, in our teenage years, we spend a lot of time with friends. These are very impressionable years and the more time we spend with friends, the more we start to act like them, dress like them, and talk like them. This idea of “you are who you hang out with” has been swirling around in my head lately, but more in a spiritual way. Let me explain.

I have a few brightly colored notecards on my bathroom mirror that hold verses I’ve written down to meditate on while I’m getting ready in the morning. This past week, I realized that every time I read over this one particular verse, I instantly have a negative feeling that rises up. When I read the verse, it’s a little sandpapery, a little prickly, a little steps-all-over-my-little-toes-and-stomps-on-the-big-one. I know we shouldn’t have an aversion to scripture, but this one does not give me warm fuzzies. Want to know which scripture I’m talking about?

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

Oh snap! That verse will hit you smack dab right in between the eyes and then come back and spank ya on the rear end. No unwholesome talk? What exactly is meant by unwholesome talk? (Aren’t we always trying to figure out what we can get away with?) Google told me the definition of unwholesome is: not characterized by or conducive to health or moral well-being. The King James Version of the Bible uses the phrase corrupt conversation in place of unwholesome talk.

To find more clarity on the command, all we need to do is read further in the verse. It continues to tell us to only speak what is helpful for “building others up.” Then there’s the last part of the verse that drives the directive home: “that it may benefit those who listen.” The New Living Translation states the verse pretty clearly. “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” ‘Nuf said!

There’s a reason I feel intrusive pricklies instead of warm fuzzies when I read this verse. It’s called conviction. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth” can also be dictated as, “Only speak wholesome, helpful, benefiting words.” This is not my current reality. If it is yours, please write a book and tell us how you do it! Oh wait! The book’s already been written. It’s not by accident that Proverbs 4:23-27 popped up in my quiet time this week:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”

This passage not only tells us to guard our heart above all else but it tells us how to guard our heart: Keep our mouth clean of perverse or corrupt talk. Stay focused on the goals and paths ahead. Be intentional about where we’re headed and cautious in everything we do.

There it is again- a warning about what comes out of my mouth. Remember how I said I’ve been thinking about the “you are who you hang out with” rule? I’ve noticed something over the past several years. My proximity to Jesus dictates the productions of my heart, my mind, my actions, and my mouth. I’m not that different from my teenagers. Wait! What did I just write? We are very different! But in this way, the molded by others way, we are just alike. The more time I spend with my guy Jesus, the more like-minded I am with Him. Likewise, the less time I spend with Him, the less like-minded we are. Let me break this down a little further. Just as our teenagers start to look, dress, and sound like the friends they hang out with the most, I also start to think, speak and act like the ones I spend the most time with. When that person is not Jesus, my heart shows it. My actions show it. My words show it.

On the contrary, the more time I spend with Him, the more convictions I receive before the words come out. It’s like He’s constantly telling me, “Close your mouth, Sis! Don’t say it.” Sometimes, I find myself sitting with a group of people with little to say because He cautions me that the words that are about to be spoken are not wholesome nor will they benefit others.

My soul has been meditating on Philippians 4:8 lately:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

If I was constantly thinking about “such things,” it sure would dictate the words that came out of my mouth. Thoughts full of truth, nobility, righteousness, purity, and loveliness do not birth unwholesome talk. These verses go hand in hand. Meditating on this verse is one of the ways I guard my heart. I heard Jennifer Rothschild speak tonight (love her!!!) and she referenced the 4:8 Rule. She was referring to Philippians 4:8. Think about such things. Talk about such things. Act upon such things. If we did this, it would keep us out of a whole lot of trouble.

I’ve noticed that when I”m closer to God, I’m more aware of when unwholesome thoughts come to mind and I’m able to stop them right there and replace them with those “such things” written about in Phillipians 4:8. But it takes intentionality. It takes being persistent in guarding my heart. It takes meditation upon scripture that lifts my eyes up. I’ve also noticed that when I haven’t been spending as much time with Him, I say things that bring focus to negativity. I say unkind things about others. I complain more. I want to know all the Tea. For those of you who don’t have a teenage daughter and aren’t familiar with that slang word, “tea” means the latest gossip. These things certainly don’t benefit others OR me. I’ll tell you who they benefit- Satan! That’s exactly where he wants us to be: right in the middle of the tea and as far away from the Lord as possible.

Another way to help us guard our heart is to keep scripture in front of us. While it’s true that I experience intrusive pricklies when I read over the “unwholesome talk” verse, I need those pricklies. They’re productive. They’re convicting. They’re transforming.

I titled this post You’re Not Gonna Like This One because I don’t know many of us who can say, “I never let any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth.” It’s something almost all of us need to work on. The Holy Spirit has been showing me that I need a good ole bar of soap mouth washin’! Imagine what it would be like if we all took this to heart. Our homes would look different. Our workplaces would look different. Our churches would look different. Chew on that one for a moment. We are called to build up our brothers and sisters in Christ, not tear them down. When was the last time you caught your tongue before a negative word came out of your mouth about a fellow believer? Ohh Snap!

I want to encourage you in the love and grace of God. When conviction leads to repentance, and repentance leads to forgiveness, transformation happens. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to be transformed. Now that’s sick, Bruh! Ugh! Sorry! That was terrible. Kids these days!

Sincerely,

A really uncool mom, with no bling who wants out of the tea

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14